He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
