I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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