I wish I could punch you in the face.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
