I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize