apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
