I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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