maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
