My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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