There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
