Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The Olympian is in my bed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
