I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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