After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Barsexuality is the new black.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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