Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
