I wish my penis had an off switch
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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