Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We have started to decorate penises.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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