yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
