I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
