on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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