Only a mothe r could love this liver
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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