I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
