I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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