This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
