he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize