you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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