What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
