Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
