i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
