Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
