The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
