He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
