I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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