i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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