Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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