Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
