The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
