He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
