so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
