I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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