home. puking in laundry basket.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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