you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
