why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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