Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
