I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
