What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
