Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
