ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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