The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
