Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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