WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
