Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
