so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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