I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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