I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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