I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
