go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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