I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
