$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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