what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
