My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
