I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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