I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
