a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
