So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
