Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
