So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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