There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
